I'm a happy lightbulb

I feel like God just made me a little more whole today. It's a long involved story...

I joined the choir at my church when I was in 6th grade, which would make me, let's see...twelve? That first year in choir contained what I consider to be one of my most defining moments. I'm sure I'll tell that story in another post some time; this is not the place to go into it; let me just say that it was a defining moment. It was good. But now I am 25, so I may say that I have been a part of the choir for the majority of my life, and being in the choir has come to define for me who I am in our congregation. That is not so good. Why? I feel uncomfortable when I'm not in the choir loft. Everyone knows me because I sing. I consider skipping when I'm not singing. And I have started to feel trapped by it, though I don't think I realized it. Singing in the choir has become a sort of moral obligation for me; to quote Gilbert and Sullivan's alternate title for Pirates of Penzance, I became a "Slave of Duty." And this is where this slavery brought me:

We just this last Sunday made the switch from having two main services, one "contemporary" and one "traditional," down to one quasi-blended service. (I say quasi only because we're still working on what that looks like.) To do this involves bringing together multiple already established musical groups. Then end result? Choir is only singing once a month--at least for right now.
I was elated that we were combining services, overjoyed to be doing blended worship, delighted that our congregation would be less separated and stratified now.
And I was devastated that the choir was only singing once a month.
Why? I agree that it doesn't really matter what we do to worship as long as we really are worshiping. But my identity was enslaved to the choir, and because of that it felt like my self was being ripped away. I was being denied my definition! This tiny thing had become a calamity for me.

And there I sat on my little ash-heap. And there I was tonight when the worship committee got together. But then, half way through the meeting I suddenly realized something: If I only have to go to choir warm ups once a month I can go to sunday school and not miss much!
It was then that my little happy light bulb came on in my mind (I think he might also go by the name of Holy Spirit or Divine Inspiration sometimes.) I realized that all this time I had been placing my identity on what I did. That's why I was so threatened by this change. I could feel the little shackles come off my psyche. I was no longer tied to the choir, though I would continue to sing with them. But now I was simply a worshiper of God. I was just a member of the congregation. I could be a member of any congregation. My identity was in my God, the one whom I worship.
And so, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to the breakfast service when I'm not singing--maybe! And I may start going to a sunday school class. And I also might go to the later service at the Episcopal church now and then. But what I'm really going to do is worship my wonderful, amazing God who frees my of my bondage and renews my mind and today made me a little bit more whole.